Waiting is hard y’all. No matter how gracious we all try to be. Waiting is hard. PERIOD. No need to sugar coat that. I am always astounded how God shows himself to me. Especially during this lent season, as I work hard to seek him more.
I recently joined a bi-weekly Bible study that is filled with amazing women from my MOPS group. Sidebar: If you are a mother of a toddler or preschooler seek out this program. It is amazing. We are studying the Women of the Bible. Last week I saw our weekly email on the two women we are studying for the week: Leah and Hannah.
Hannah, really Lord? I do my best to get through a single Bible study without crying which these days is a holy miracle in and of itself and today you give me Hannah? Ok, I have this. I will make it through this study and learn and NOT CRY. So there I went. I dove into Hannah and her story. Barron and waiting for her child that she so longed for.
As adoptive mother it is really easy to feel alone. It is really easy to wallow in the wait on our "journey". It is easy to feel like no one understands what our wait is like through infertility and/or adoption. It is really easy to feel like no one can relate me. Not even my son’s birth family. I sometimes feel what is suppose to bring us together also divides us as we navigate through the enormous emotions of adoption. When you see someone else be so graceful in waiting while feeling like a hot mess most days. I know what it feels like to not want to get out of bed. I know what it feels like to scream in anger to God. I know what it is like to be Hannah. BUT HERE IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD.
I knew that going into this Bible study. It is why I felt so raw. I know what it feels like to be her. I am her. Then this question was asked. "When was the last time you saw someone really sacrifice something?"
Here is what some people forget about Hannah. Did God answer her prayers and give her Samuel, her son? YES. What some people forget is that after Samuel was born God asked from him back. Hannah gave him back to God. As she promised, she took Samuel to the temple, offered him to Eli to serve the Lord all the days of his life.
So then they asked the question again, "When is the last time you saw someone really sacrifice something?" The room was silent. Then the only thing I could think of was our son’s birth mom. So I raised my hand and I told our story. How she placed him in my arms and kissed us both and walked away (now the room was crying). Then someone said this, "She is Hannah too. That was her Hannah moment." Then I looked up and said YES. Yes it was.
It was my Ah-ha moment and it was all thanks to a beautiful woman in the Bible named Hannah. She made me see that we all have moments of sacrifice and wait, glory and pain. The beauty of her is that she never lost her faith or her enormous grace. Oh the grace Hannah had. It made me see my grace in a different way and it also made me see the grace of my son’s birthmother.
I have had my Hannah moments and she has too. Together we are Hannah.
Until Next Time: