Open Hearts, Open Homes: A Birthmother & Birthfather's Message

My friend Kim messaged me right away wanting to share something about the love of their birthmom, Melanie, for our series this month.  She also told me about the message that Melanie had written for their blog, A Little Bit of Jerde Family, and that I could share it as well.    Well I read not only the message from Melanie but also the message from their birthfather, Jason.  We all know that many times birthfathers are not as involved (if at all) and to have one write about their open adoption blew me away.  The words from both of them are so beautiful and exactly what we all wish for our relationships.  So today I am so grateful to be able to share not only words from an amazing birthmom and her open relationship with this family, but also those of an incredible birthfather.  Melanie and Jason thank you so much for your words, and Kim thank you for allowing us to share them from your blog today. 

A Birthmom's Message {Melanie}

It's hard to know what to write. I have so many stories to tell. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant, I felt I was in a daze. Surely this couldn't be my life, had I really just become another pregnant teen statistic. What was I going to do. The first few months of my pregnancy were some of the scariest and most uncertain moments of my life. I was fortunate to have a good support network, loving family and access to a counseling center. Through months of counseling I came to the heart wrenching conclusion that adoption was my life path. Adoption may not be the answer for everyone but at my young age of seventeen It was my answer.

By being open and allowing myself to be in tune to realize the best for Brooklyn was with a family and not a teenage mother, I was able to find that Brooklyn had more than one mother. When I found Kim peace came to me. I was instantly in love. I knew then that she was the mother meant for the child that I was so carefully creating and bringing to this earth. I felt Brooklyn had chosen me to be the earthly vessel that brought her to her family. I discovered that we don't own each other but we agree to help each other along the way in this mortal realm. Through my time with Kim, it became clear to me that this was something we had agreed to long before. We were fortunate to share the pregnancy together, and when it came time time to give birth, she was one I had by my side. I wish every woman could experience a birth mother/adoptive mother relationship. It is filled with so much love, sacrifice and endearment, even time cannot dampen or whittle it away. I feel as though Kim is my adoptive mother not Brooklyn's. I was the one who was adopted into the family.

Placing Brooklyn for adoption was the hardest thing I ever had to do but in return my entire adoption experience has given me so much more. I was given a second chance to discover my passions and to connect with the world. If it were not for my journey I wouldn't have chosen to study Fine art sculpture in San Francisco at the Academy of Art. I wouldn't have traveled to Europe, Nicaragua, Australia or received my Yoga teacher training in India. But most importantly, my experience of adoption allowed me to glimpse my authentic self. The self who is selfless, who could make the ultimate sacrifice, who is only love. I met the divine in me which is within each of us. Having Brooklyn be a part of my life inspires me to be the best person I can be for her, to follow all my passions, and to know and accomplish my souls work here.

Everyone has to find their own path and I'm so grateful to have found mine.

A Birthfather's Message {Jason}

The decision Melanie and I made to place our daughter for adoption is the most difficult thing either of us has ever done. The situation we put ourselves into is not one I would wish anyone to endure, but despite its difficulties and the severity of its consequences, the pregnancy and the resultant effects on all of our lives have become the greatest source of motivation and strength in my life.

Once we made the decision to place, we faced another difficult choice – what sort of couple could we trust to love and raise the baby that might have been ours? This question plagued us for a time until Kim and John came into the picture. I knew long before we had completed the placement process that the Jerde’s were wonderful, loving, and happy people.

They were happy. I think that is what has stood out to me most for these many years since the placement. As a couple, they are playful and optimistic and delightful. They have an established home that feels, above anything else, comfortable and warm. I knew all of this before Brooklyn became their first child, but I have come to appreciate it more than I can aptly express in words.

The love that we all share for Brooklyn and for each other, and my desire to make these wonderful people – who will forever be a major influence in my life – inspire me to work harder and do better in my everyday life. It is a well of emotion from which I am revitalized and through which I have come to understand more about my existence and myself than I have through any other facet of my life.  I will forever be grateful for the Jerde’s and for the love that abounds in their household and their lives.

What a better way to celebrate love in February than to feature some women we love and admire so much... Birth Moms! We had the privilege of spotlighting some truly amazing women whose stories have truly had an impact on our lives in great ways!