I didn't want to go this year. My heart just wasn’t in it. But I had already made a commitment. I had purchased tickets, booked a hotel room and more importantly made a promise to a friend (Courtney) that I would be there. Besides, it would be a great girls’ weekend for us. The fact is that my heart just hadn’t been into writing for a while. Call it writer’s block, lack of inspiration, or just downright exhaustion. So going to a “writer’s conference” just seemed to be so far off from where I wanted or needed to be at the moment.
I had other things going on in my life. Things I thought were from the Lord. Yet, once again I had jumped in over my head into something far off target from where He was guiding me. It was all great work. Kingdom work even. But it wasn’t my season for it and quite frankly He had me wrestling with myself over it all. My heart and my head were more than eight inches away from one another. It was like trying to pull myself out of quicksand every day.
The fact of the matter is that I was “stuck” and my strength was failing me. I had reached burnout phase. A full on nuclear meltdown. And nothing, I mean nothing, seemed to inspire me or pull me out of it. Until that weekend. God knew there were words I would desperately need to hear loud and clear. They came not from one speaker, but over and over and over. They broke me and I was right where I needed to be.
It wasn't about being at a “writer’s conference.” It was about being in His presence with nearly 500 other women worshiping Him. It was about community and “togetherness.” It was about freedom to just breathe. To let go of all that was binding me and take His hand so that he could pull me out of that sinking quicksand I had gotten myself into.
It wasn’t the speakers that changed my heart and set me free again that weekend, but God through them. He had a message for me, and well for all of us. And that message is that it’s ok to not do it all. There is a season for everything and wisdom comes from allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us and not our own ideas of what we assume He wants us to do.
He gave me a very clear message that weekend. All He wants is my time and to fellowship with me. The rest will come as He sees fit. There is so much freedom in being able to let go of what is not our calling at the moment. Because in that freedom, we find what our true calling is. I’ve let go of the things draining my energy and time away from Him. It was excruciatingly hard, but in that I have a renewed sense of purpose and have found my love of writing and sharing His glory in my life all over again.