Hope in the Heartbreak, Purpose in the Pain

If you've been following our blog for a while, you're probably familiar with our story, but I had the amazing opportunity to make a video to share our comeback story with our church.  It's the reason this blog even exists and why Jenny and I are so passionate about helping anyone we can that is struggling with hurt now.  While my break came through years of fertility treatments and a heartbreaking loss, and Jenny's came through infertility and the stressful process of adoption, yours may come through something completely different.  Everyone experiences pain and hurt throughout their lives.  When we do, we have a choice...  are we going to surrender our control and put our complete faith and trust in the hands of an amazing God who loves us?  Or are we going to continue to try to control the uncontrollable and fix things that may be un-fixable from our perspective?

Then Job replied to the Lord “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.
— Job 42:1-3

I've said it before, but I wholeheartedly believe that sometimes God allows us to break so that He can redeem us.  No matter the circumstances, there is always hope in the heartbreak and purpose in the pain.  It is our continual prayer that by us sharing our story, others can relate to a piece of our struggle in some way and find the strength they need to hang on tight to their faith.

Several years ago, my husband and I were two engineers living our lives thinking everything was coming together perfectly.  We were good people, good enough Christians, but were chasing after our dreams according to our plans.  It took God shattering one of those biggest dreams in order to realize that this life we're given, it's just that... something we're given that was never about us.

Four years into our marriage and according to our "five year plan," we decided it was time for us to start our family only to realize that our plan wasn't going to work as we had thought.  What started out as a little stress, quickly turned into a five year heartbreaking journey through a diagnosis of infertility, seemingly endless doctors, tests, procedures and medicine, and a miscarriage that brought me to my knees and completely shook my faith to the core.  Left alone with my grief and tears, God allowed me to completely shatter.  But in that instant when I broke, I felt His presence like I have never felt it before.  I literally felt the physical power of the Holy Spirit wrap me up and whisper His promises of love and grace and purpose.  That was the beginning of our comeback to something I never would have dreamed.  From that moment on, our journey through infertility took on purpose.  Our struggle was for the purpose found in 2 Corinthians 1 that says the Father of compassion and comfort comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble.  

Two more rounds of IVF later and we were blessed with our absolutely beautiful little miracle baby and even got to bring her home on Christmas Day.  Since that heart shattering moment, my heart has been completely transformed.  Those silly plans we had... they're gone and have been replaced with a hunger to encourage women and couples that are now struggling with their own stories of infertility or painful circumstances.  My life plan now is simply to be totally surrendered and to live intentionally for Him in everything I do.  Never in a million years would I have guessed that a one-time engineer would now be a stay at home mom and writer, leading small groups and counseling with hurting women.  The unknown, unplanned future now excites me because none of this is about me at all.  It never was.  We whole-heartedly now serve a God that sometimes has to break us so that He can redeem us and make us into so much more than we ever could have imagined.  

Because of where this journey has taken us, not just in how we started our family, but in my faith, I can honestly say that our diagnosis, the countless medical procedures, even our miscarriage was the best thing to ever happen to us.  It was the event that changed our lives and set us on a different course.  One with meaning, purpose, and specifically designed by God to bring Him the glory and others to see His goodness more.  In the ashes of our broken dreams, we see and experience God in a powerful way.  Only there can we really feel His complete power, hope and provision and begin to understand His love.  No matter where we go from here and what future circumstances lay before us, I know for sure that He is enough.  His power, His grace, His love...  it's enough for me.

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
— Isaiah 46:4