Many of us as women grew up wanting nothing more than to become a mommy one day. For some, that comes easily. And for others like myself and Trina, it comes via a winding road full of turns that we could never anticipate. Mother’s Days are meant to be full of joy, but for some they are painful reminders of what we do not yet hold in our arms. But God. He simply comes through in the most magnificent of ways, showing us that His plans for us were far greater all along. Trina and her beautiful family are absolutely a huge testament to that. She is my son’s preschool teacher this year, but has become so much more than that. She is a dear friend and I’m so grateful I had the opportunity to sit down and listen to her journey to motherhood to share with you all. I know you will be encouraged.
Trina and her husband David longed to become parents, yet struggled for over a year to get pregnant. There are always medical reasons for that, but as many of us come to learn, God has something else up His sleeve. It doesn’t come without trials and heartaches though. James teaches us that we will have trials in this life, but to have joy because God will see us through them. After a year, Trina became pregnant only to have an extremely difficult pregnancy. She was on and off of bed rest and had many medical problems along the way. Then, at 25 weeks, she had to have an emergency c-section due to a severe complication. Their first daughter, Abigail Grace, was extremely premature. She was born with a heart murmur, and after only five short weeks she passed away.
God gave them a glimpse of parenthood in those five weeks. Their hearts were devastated, but they moved forward with life realizing that due to Trina’s medical issues they would need to look at other alternatives to becoming parents. Like so many couples I’ve talked to, the topic of adoption comes up somewhere in their marriage prior to even realizing they are infertile or will have medical conditions that prevent them from having healthy pregnancies. Trina and David are no different. During marriage counseling they were asked if they were each willing to adopt, and both answered with a resounding yes. I don’t think that is any coincidence at all. I believe many times, it is God’s way of preparing our hearts for something that He has planned for our lives. Adoption is not Plan B as so many people think it is. It is His Plan A for us.
Two weeks after Abigail passed away, Trina had a peace in her heart to begin inquiring about adoption. She knew her medical issues put herself and a baby at risk, but even more their desire to adopt grew out of their grief. She and David officially began the adoption process seven months later. After a couple short months, they were approved and were “paper pregnant” as many of adoptive parents call it. They were presented to many expectant parents for about six weeks, and even selected during that time. One of those phone calls came on September 14, which without coincidence was the day Abigail was born just one year prior. It was a baby boy. Nothing was inherently wrong with the situation but for some reason Trina and David just could not get a peace from God about it. They wrestled with this decision but ultimately knew that was not the baby God had planned for them. Trina notified the agency and within only 30 minutes received “the call” for a baby girl who was born in Las Vegas. God was waiting for their obedience before revealing His greatest plan.
Trina and David flew out the very next day to meet their baby girl. And like so many, found themselves in a situation where the expectant parents wrestled with making a decision to parent just after the birth. And they have that right to do so, even when it may feel painful to us. Trina and David almost flew back home that day, but their social worker told them the Holy Spirit was telling them to go and stay at the hospital just one more day. All day they sat and the birth parents did not show. It was at just fifteen minutes before the hospital doors shut, that they came in with some family members. They visited with their baby girl one last time and ultimately knew that they were not in a position to be parents. But they did know that Trina and David would love and care for their daughter in ways they couldn’t.
One year later, on Sarabeth’s first birthday, they became an official family. The court system made legal what God had already joined together. And now that baby girl is no longer a baby. Sarabeth is a thriving, smart, beautiful third grader.
I did ask Trina about her first Mother’s Day after Sarabeth was born. It was full of extremely mixed emotions. She was grieving the loss of Abigail Grace and not having her in her arms, yet overcome with joy for Sarabeth. Many of us women who have gone through infertility, miscarriages, and infant loss find that first Mother’s Day to be extremely emotional. For some of us we go years dreading that day because it represents something we long for yet cannot be. Then we are finally able to call ourselves “mother” and it becomes a day we are extremely grateful for, yet never forgetting the journey it took to get here.
Originally published in May 2016 Issue of "Behind the Fountain" Evans, Georgia