For those who don’t know, I’ll summarize our biggest life challenge for you. My husband, Rob, and I were those naive engineers who thought we could plan out our whole lives and had done a pretty great job with it until... God decided to step in and show us that He’s really in charge. We decided that we were ready to start a family, according to the lives we had planned, and God had a different course for us to take. I won’t go in to all the details here, but 5 years later, a lot of doctors, a TON of fertility drugs, and three rounds of IVF later, God finally blessed us with the best thing that has ever happened to us – our sweet Haleigh. We learned a lot through that journey. Our biggest lesson was that no matter what, God is always in charge and He has a perfect plan for our lives. He will put us to the test sometimes but it will always be for good and for His glory. It will be to teach us, mold us, strengthen our faith, and perhaps most importantly, help prepare us to comfort and encourage others.
So where do we stand on the family front now? We are extremely content to be our precious family of three. We absolutely recognize the miracle that our sweet girl is to us and trust God to take us wherever we’re supposed to go from here. We are very certain that fertility treatments are not in our future again. Though we know God led us down that road before and would have gone through twice as much to get Haleigh, we have no desire to go through it again. It’s a challenge, to say the least. (That’s a story for another day.) We agree that if God puts a desire for more children on our heart again, that we would most definitely be open to adoption, but at this point, don’t feel led to pursue that option. We have also decided there is no reason for any sort of birth control for us – for one, it’s extremely unlikely that without medical intervention, we could get pregnant, but two, we’re absolutely open to having more kids, if it were to truly miraculously happen. We have talked about this periodically since having Haleigh, and have always agreed. However, this got put to the test recently.
I’m almost certain I was just pregnant again – maybe the blood work results that I get back tomorrow will confirm my suspicions, maybe not, but I just know. Call it a mother’s instinct... over two weeks late, lots of weird symptoms, and just “that feeling” that I’ve only had twice before (one was a miscarriage). But, today was the day that ended. I’ll be honest, I’m a little disappointed. I was just starting to get cautiously hopeful that after essentially 8 years, we had finally done it – WITHOUT medical help. I was just starting to get used to the idea of maybe being pregnant again and just starting to be guardedly excited that there might be another baby in our future after all. But that isn’t the case – at least this time. So it gave us a couple weeks to deal with an unexpected roller coaster of emotions and really question our hearts again. So yeah, I’m disappointed, but I’m also incredibly thankful that we are in the palm of the hands of the Creator and Giver of Life. I’m so thankful that our future is already written and all we have to do is trust Him to lead us in the right direction. I’m thankful that no matter what the outcome, I have never been more certain that we are exactly where we’re supposed to be in life and that God will provide for us. And, I’m so grateful that my husband and I continue to be on the same page – as we have always been – about what we desire and what’s in our hearts. We both know now that we do hope, maybe one day, we’ll get to have one more baby, but we also both continue to feel very content and very certain that we love our little family of three. We are complete.
This verse has been on my mind a lot lately, and it seems incredibly fitting for right now. So until God leads us otherwise, that is our family’s verse. We will continue to be a strong family, cord, of three – standing firm for Him. There will be more tests and disappointments, but they will continue to draw us closer – closer to God and closer to each other. And for that, I will always be grateful.