I began blogging about our infertility and adoption journey when our son was just two years old. The wounds from an empty physical womb were still gaping open, and the emotions were too overwhelming. I didn’t know how to process it all. The five year battle seemed to last forever, leaving stretch marks from numerous failed pregnancy tests. And then something miraculous happened – our adoption journey.
And so, when E was just two years old I began sharing our experiences in hopes of connecting to and encouraging others. I shared our journey all the way up through E’s birth. It is chopped full of tiny little nuggets that God sprinkled along the way that only He could do. Details that left us in awe. The world needed to read it and hear His message of hope.
Our son grew older and something in my heart changed. The reality hit me that one day he would no longer be a toddler, but he would be a growing child with big emotions and the ability to read. He would see the words I mustered up, and be able to read them along with any comments from the great world wide web. You see, as hard as we try, we really can’t control who gets a hold of our words or what they do with them. I realized very quickly that I don’t want to share every detail of our lives with the whole world, and I especially don’t want to advertise our son’s emotions or relationships in detail. Now if you are blogging and sharing about your own journey as your child(ren) grow, please do not mistake this post as “shaming” you for it. This is just my own personal decision and me sharing the reasons behind it. Nothing more, nothing less.
5 Reasons I Quit Blogging our Adoption Story
It is our son’s story to tell. My husband and I talked extensively about this and agree that as our son gets older, then it is up to him to share about his adoption. We have open and honest communication with him. We tell him what he is capable of comprehending at each stage of life. Currently, at five years old, he knows that my tummy is broken and he grew in the tummy of his birth mom. We don’t use words like “adoption” just yet simply because he is sensitive and we don’t want him to comprehend it in a negative way. Adoption is beautiful and wonderful. And as we share more and more, it is up to him to keep that to himself or to share with others. It is not for us to announce, and we don’t believe in labels.
We love, honor and respect our son’s birth mom. And as such, there are details that she may or may not be comfortable with us sharing. We have an open relationship with her, but she also has her own life aside from being a birth mom. Just as we don’t want to be labeled as “adoptive parents,” or our son to be labeled as “adopted,” we don’t want her to forever to be known as “E’s birth mom.” She has a name. We will always share pictures of our visits because we love her and the relationship we all have, but it is not for me to share about her feelings or experiences. Those are hers and hers alone to share. As much as I love her, I will never know what it is like to be in her shoes. And I respect whatever level of information she wants others to know.
We can’t trust the “interwebs.” As much as we want to trust the controls we have in place surrounding our social media outlets, and as awesome as we believe our friends and family are, there is always at least one person sitting there waiting to criticize or publicize our words and/or life. The more we put out there, the more vulnerable we are. And the more we share, the more likely we are to have our words land in the hands of strangers whose intentions are far less than admirable. I really think and pray about how much information I divulge to the public eye.
Words should come from us, the parents, first. This somewhat goes along with the first and previous reasons listed. We do not want our son to hear things about his life from others before he hears it from us or his birth mom first. We never want him to be blindsided. It shouldn’t come from something written for the rest of the world to see before he knows about it (even when we think they are too young to read). Our kids deserve to know the truth, but that truth should come from those closest to them first. Open communication is essential in any relationship, and that is no different for us.
Details are for one on one conversations. Important conversations, we believe, are meant to be held at eye level where context and emotions are clear. We never want our son to mistake any words typed out for untruth. Whether we are talking about his day at school, or his life as it relates to adoption, we reserve those talks for one on one conversation where they are clearly communicated and received in the love in which they are meant.
While I may no longer sit at the keyboard and type hundreds of words as it pertains to our particular story, I will always be an advocate and go to bat for the adoption community. I fully support others, their choices, and the miracles that adoption brings into each of our lives.